Bouncy...bouncy...

Monday afternoon I trekked out on my most ambitious project yet; I went mattress shopping. Shut up. I'm not getting dumber staying home like this (yet), mattress shopping is very hard for a mattress-buying-newbie in search of a deal! We want something comfortable enough to keep our guests here for a few nights, not so comfortable that they want to move in permanently, and cheap enough to keep me in the bon-bon eating lifestyle to which I hope not to become accustomed. That last part is the kicker; at first it looked like I would have to get a paper route to make our monthly mattress payment.

After my car's navigation system took me to not less than THREE former sites of mattress stores, I ended up on the other side of the city and walked into the deserted mattress emporium. The very, very fat man working the place let me wander for a minute before asking what I was looking for. "Something cheap for the guest room." Fair enough. Stacked against the wall were the super-duper-clearance-best-deal-of-your-lifetime mattresses, and he pulled one down and put it on the bed frame. I sat down and bounced a little and almost fell through it. "Um, something a little firmer?" He put that mattress back and pulled down another. He was huffing a little and I rolled my eyes. San Antonio is the second fattest city in the country; I guess all the delicious enchiladas take their toll.

I bounced around on this one too. Hmm. "Can I see another?" He put that mattress back and pulled down another. This entire time he was talking faster than an auctioneer, but I was concentrating more on the shade of red his face was turning. By the time I bounced on five mattresses he was wet with sweat and I was becoming concerned. "Are you okay?"

"What? Of course, let's just get the best mattress for you."

"Um, okay, I think I want to try that first one again."

I sat on it. Oops, the first one was the too-soft one. "Actually, sorry, the second one."

That second one felt terrible. Which was the one I liked? The third? The salesman is about to have a coronary and my CPR certification is expired. I stop to think before asking him to pull down another mattress. And when he pulls it down I buy it. Is being extraordinarily obese a good sales technique? I felt obligated to reward his enormous physical effort, even though he was just doing his job.

It was just delivered and I think I liked the fourth one best after all.