Yesterday morning I went to Target. At the checkout, like any good consumer, I impulse-bought a pack of gum. Orbit Mist: Watermelon Spring flavor. A Hydrating Sensation with micro-bursts (TM). I chewed a piece on the way home and was happy with its retro-funk wrapper and bursty sensation. I left the gum in the center console of the car when I got home.
Then this morning, at 11:32am, temperature 88 degrees with moderate humidity, I got in my car again. I died.
When they find my body in the car they're going to break open the window to get me out, and all the EMTs in the vicinity will also die. Warn them.
The "hydrating sensation" of this gum turns to toxic Watermelon Spring fumes at temperatures above 72 degrees Fahrenheit. The entire car, including the inside of the trunk, stinks like an amusement park on Kindergarten Barf Day. If I wasn't already dead I'd roll the car off a cliff. There's no hope for it, or for me. We've been micro-bursted.
A friend once lost a head of garlic in her trunk - where the spare tire is supposed to go - in a Dallas summer. I'd take the kindegarten barf day over the vampire trap.
ReplyDeletehehe. kindergarten barf day. hehe.
ReplyDelete