Last summer I was drinking champagne in a trendy bar in Clarendon, chatting with Shep and SingleGirl about a friend of Ed's. This friend was a girl of surpassing coolness who had me cracking up within five minutes of meeting her. I liked her and invited her to a big happy hour I'd planned. "But," I told Shep and SingleGirl, "I can't really invest in her, I don't have time for another friend." They nodded and we commiserated for a while about how making time for people can be a hassle.
And it was true - I used to have so many fantastic people in my life that I'd schedule in laundry days, to remind myself that clean undies would make all those happy hours and dinners and coffee dates and wineries trips more fun. Settling in the city where I grew up meant I hadn't had to make new friends since ninth grade. I don't know how to make friends, I just have them. Good ones. Who were always around when I needed a shoulder to cry on to a date to a chick flick.
So now I'm in San Antonio, and aside from Ed's Dancing Grandma, I know no one. No One. Who's going to help me explore Texas Wine Country? Who do we watch the Superbowl with? Who's going to keep me from dying of boredom while I job search? Who's going to take some of the pressure off Ed to entertain me?
I'm on Friend Alert. At the grocery store, in the neighborhood, at the coffee shop, I'm watching for people who Look Cool. Ed and I went to an orientation for a church we're thinking of joining, and when three people about our age showed up I got the jitters. I sat up straighter and smoothed my hair. I smiled tentatively at one girl when she caught my eye. I poured coffee for the guy behind me during the coffee break. I worked the room and came away with digits.
After the obligatory wait period so I didn't seem too eager, I called one girl and got her voice mail. "Hi, it's Katie? From Saturday? I was wondering if you wanted to get a coffee? Sometime this week? Or whenever? Call me?" I hung up and thought "Man I sounded dumb." I thought about what I wished I'd said and rehearsed my lines before I called the next number. "Hi, it's Katie? From Saturday? Want to go to dinner? Call meee......" So much for rehearsal. I hung up with butterflies in my stomach. I hope they like me! Did I sound too eager? Too needy?
I thought I was done with this type of scene when I got married.
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Good friends are made, not found. But you, my dear, already know that because you are excellent at making friends.
ReplyDeletei'm lucky to have moved into a developing neighborhood with a lot of young people. our salesperson actually put our neighbors next to us because they were also a younger, engaged couple. i'm just glad they're the types who would come knock on the door if they're bored, since i tend to be a recluse otherwise.
ReplyDeletethe dogs also help. i've met a lot of other neighbors taking them for walks. but aside from friendly neighbors and people we've met through the dogs, we don't know many people.
i've considered getting a part time job somewhere to meet people, but i'm gonna hold off until we get more settled. (we are still unpacking...)
if we ever get down that way, i'll introduce you to our friends there. honestly tho', i'm not too sure they're your type. :oP BUT, i can introduce you and let you take it from there.
hang in there, katie - you're just getting started. before you know it, you'll be hanging out with new friends, drinking champagne at a trendy bar in downtown san antonio.
ps - you can come up here for the superbowl (and meet our 8 friends), and there are a few wineries nearby we're planning to check out if you and ed ever want to make a weekend of it...
OK, ignoring the fact that you will have started match.com for friendships by mid-February, your post made me laugh for another reason. Before you started scheduling time to do laundry, I remember when that counted as time with a friend -- and you would do laundry at my place while we watched chick flicks :)
ReplyDeleteMatch.com for friendships? Genius! Katie, I think Meredith has found you your new job.
ReplyDeleteMoving to a new city not knowing anyone can be tough. They only time I really had to do it (Brussels) barely even spoke the language. Fortunately, I was only there for 3 months. But there was lots of going to the movies by myself. It sucked.
I would suggest Craiglist San Antonio (http://sanantonio.craigslist.org/) and check the Community section for classes, volunteering days, bookclub, etc. If you're adventurous you could even peruse the "strictly platonic" section of the Craigslist personals.
Another great resource is Meetup (http://www.meetup.com/). Within 5 miles of your zip there are meetup groups for work at home moms, sumo wrestlers, liberals, Republicans, lyme disease carriers, UFO watchers, sushi lovers, poets, book lovers, women travelers , beer aficionados, coffee drinkers, dungeons & dragons players, and lots, lots more.